the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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