stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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