so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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