i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
