My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need water and some morals
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
