the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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