we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
