put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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