Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
