She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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