u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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