i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
