I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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