he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize