somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
