your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
