I didn't shave. On purpose
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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