you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
