eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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