He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
