Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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