Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
