There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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