oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
