but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
