We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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