i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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