don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
