We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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