Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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