if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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