He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
