dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
