Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
