you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
