There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
