I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
