u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
