I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
