Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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