did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
