i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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