that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
