Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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