i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
