he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
