Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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