I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
