who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
