Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
