Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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