i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize