I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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