hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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