well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
