I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
