Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
