I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
