they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
