I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
