She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
