I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
