Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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