He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
