I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
