There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
