You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
