Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize