I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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