My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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