the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
