her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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