Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
