She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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