need another drink. this is the easiest way
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
