closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
