brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize