i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
