Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
