I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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