I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize