We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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