1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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