used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
