Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
