If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
