NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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