Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
bring money and cleavage
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
