PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
