thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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