im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize