I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
