I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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