Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She bit a glass in half.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
